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My Name is John and I was like so mamy people in the world today. Hurting and living with so many feelings of low self asteem. Broken hearted and lost. Tried to find peace through drugs, alcohal and pornagraphy. My marriage and family was in serious trouble and I was facing my second DWI.
At seventeen I thought I had it all. Had a beautiful girl friend, was on the football team, had good grades and thought I had it made. My parents made me take a summer trip that year with them, and I resented them for making me leave. Returning from that trip my girlfriends mother had takin advantage of me being gone and turned her againist me. I had so much anger in side me for that and changed the way iI look at women. My self esteem began to slide. Later I found out my exgirlfrend was caught with another girl in a sexual situation. My self esteem slid some more. At 22 I'm married and had 2 kids and my mother died of cancer. My step dad remarries and is traveling the United States. I felt alone. Esteem slips some more. I had graduated Barber Collage and had gotten my second job cutting hair. Had a good boss and liked my co-workers. Saturday Night We'd go to the bar next door and have a couple of beers at the end of the week. Life seemed to be getting alittle bit better, but it really pushed my esteem down even further. The drinking increased from Saturday night to every night. For fifteen years I was like that Seventeen year old teenager I thought I had It made. I was plugged in. I could go into many of the bars in the Bay Area, I know the bartenders. I slide them a tip and drink all night for free, had met the best pot dealers in California and always had the best avalible. My best friends dad was the number one cocaine dealer on the West Coast. So at this point I have a severe drinking problem and I'm smoking all the pot I wanted and all the cocaine I wanted. I was out every night while my wife sat at home with my two little girls. I got my first DWI, and really didn't think much about it. Looked at as bad luck. But my self esteem, slipped a little bit more. In the end I had gotten my second DWI, my wife was ready to leave me, take my kids. Ready to lose my job and my self esteem it rock bottom. I really felt worthless. While I was in jail the Lord spoke to my heart and showed me if I didn't make some changes I was going to be spending a lot of time in jail or dead. At seventeen I had gotten saved and now found that I really needed GOD more than ever. I asked Him to forgive me for my sins and running from Him. I asked Him to give me the strengh to overcome my addictions and change my life to something better. I decided when I got out of jail, I had to convience my dear wife I wanted to change, thank GOD and for His grace, she believed me. And at that moment I had no desire for a drink, pot or cocaine. We found a church that we started to attend and GOD began to change me and as I changed my life began to change too. Today I am free of low self esteem, free from drugs and alcohal, cigerettes and porngraphy. I am in ministry in music. I have been play music on praise teams for close to 25 years. My wife and I have good a relationship and my girls and I are very close. It doesn't matter how messed up you are or what you've done, GOD can change your life, turn you around and put you on a path to a good life. |
